You’re a woman and you don’t play golf
According to some pretty darn reliable sources, roughly 50% of the population is made up of something scientifically known as femalesauruses (femalesaurusi is also accepted). GOOGLE IT.
However, when I take a quick lookie loo around the golf course, that percentage falls considerably. If I were to rely solely on my current observation, I would guess that females make up perhaps 2-5% of the population (maybe 40% on Ladies Day, which is still not quite right, if you know what I’m saying…it’s LADIES Day). What the heck is going on? Where are all the women?
Now, that’s not to say women do not play golf. If that were so, the LPGA would be a mighty lonely organization (cue the cricket chirps). SOME women play golf…just not enough!
Scientific surveys (okay, so I just asked my sister, but she has a master’s degree in, um, education, but she plays golf) say that women do not play for the following reasons:
- It’s stupid. Who wants to hit a stupid ball around a stupid course into a stupid hole? AND THEN DO THAT SEVENTEEN MORE TIMES!
- Playing it makes people feel inept. If it’s so easy, then why do I miss the ball (Yes, I mean “whiff.” Thank you for correcting me, person who thinks golf is easy) EVERY TIME I TRY TO HIT IT?!
- It takes too much time. I need to get Oggie to baseball practice, Armando to his swim meet, Esmerelda to her recital run through, oh yeah, and go play some “relaxing” golf for 2-5 hours ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
- There are too many rules. Lateral hazards, penalty strokes, lost balls, embedded balls, obstructions, abnormal ground conditions…NO.
- It’s expensive. If I have an extra $50 lying around, there isn’t the SLIGHTEST chance I’m going to throw it away playing a STUPID game (see above). And don’t get me started on how much a set of clubs and the balls cost. PUH-LEASE.
- Experienced golfers are rude if you take too long. If I want to be treated poorly by immature people, I will go home where my children are HAPPY to accomodate me. I don’t need a stranger.
- It isn’t fun. I don’t like it when I don’t understand things. I’m a rule follower, but there are so many rules that I can’t follow them all. I’ve heard that everyone playing is drunk. I can never get a bogie, let alone a par, let alone a birdie, let alone an eagle, AND I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT ANY OF THOSE TERMS MEAN!
- It’s a man’s sport. Don’t pretend otherwise. I’ve even heard it referred to as a “gentleman’s sport,” though, if that were true, it might be okay. IF IT WERE A WOMEN’S SPORT, YOU WOULDN’T BE WRITING THIS BLOG, dummy.
Wow, all this negativity surrounding my favorite sport. It’s time to set the record straight.
GOLF IS FOR EVERYONE!
But, in my estimation, it is especially a game built for women. WHY? Mostly because every piece of equipment is made out of chocolate! Just kidding, but I have your attention now, don’t I?
The following are the reasons why golf is THE PERFECT SPORT FOR WOMEN!
- It’s challenging, not stupid. Yes, you hit a ball multiple times until it finally lands into a hole, but in order to do so, you must decide which club fits your needs for a particular lie and distance. You must also read the greens for distance, speed, and variability. IT’S A FREAKIN’ SCIENCE EXPERIMENT! Sure, there’s no fire involved, but golf = science = pure BRAIN FOOD every time you play.
- Inexperienced is NOT the same thing as inept. No one likes to feel dumb. But FEELING and BEING are not synonyms. There are so many ways to understand the game – through lessons, driving range practice, online tutorials – that it’s just a matter of CUTTING YOURSELF SOME SLACK. Tiger started playing as a toddler. He didn’t win The Masters until 18 years later.
- Golf DOES take 2-5 hours, but this is a good thing. How often do you TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF? Everyone deserves a break from daily duties, work, and other responsibilities. Golf is one of the few outdoor sports where you get to commune with nature. You’ll see wildlife, lakes, trees, and flowers galore … AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO WEED OR MOW ANY OF IT! Just enjoy.
- Most of the rules don’t matter…much. I don’t want to minimize the importance of following the rules of golf. But if you’re just learning the game, THE FINER DETAILS WILL COME WITH TIME. If you get down the basics of how to hold your club and line up the ball, along with understanding to be quiet when someone is hitting, everything else is just frosting and sprinkles.
- Golf costs are variable. Yes, there is an initial investment when it come to necessary equipment, but beginner sets are fairly inexpensive, and many courses will sell cheap or “gently used” balls. Other ways to minimize the price are to buy a membership at your local course, get on different clubs’ websites and see when they offer special prices or promotions, or look for Groupons or other coupon options. Also, it’s helpful to know that public courses tend to be significantly lower priced than private courses. Remember, WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S A WAY!
- Golf is a lifelong, social sport. I kid you not; my grandma played golf INTO HER 90’s! And she played with her sister and best friends, talking the entire round. Yes, you should be quiet when someone is hitting, BUT THE REST OF THE TIME YOU ARE HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE YOU LIKE, CHATTING AWAY. I don’t know about you, but I can’t put a price on spending quality time with my sister and friends.
- A lot of the pressure related to timing is self-induced. No one likes to feel rushed. However, you can take a lot of the pressure about being “too slow” out of the game by learning to pace yourself. Never take more than one practice swing. Never spend more than five minutes looking for a lost ball. Pay attention to the pace of play around you and try to match it. DON’T BE AFRAID TO LET SOMEONE PLAY THROUGH, EVEN IT IF IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF A HOLE. Experienced golfers tend to complain about ANYONE who is too slow, so take away their ammunition. LET FASTER PLAYERS PLAY THROUGH.
- Golf isn’t just fun; it’s phenomenal exercise. There aren’t too many sports families and friends of all ages can play together like you can with golf. Not only that, but YOU BURN ROUGHLY 720 CALORIES PER NINE HOLES WHEN YOU WALK, and even if you take a cart, your burn around 400 calories per nine.
- Golf has great networking potential. Think about the company outings you either didn’t sign up for or were too focused on not being able to play, so you didn’t enjoy the opportunities to network with people from your company, vendors, or other businesses pertinent to your work. EVERY TIME YOU PLAY IN AN OUTING, YOU HEIGHTEN OTHERS’ AWARENESS OF WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU STAND FOR, AND WHERE YOUR TALENTS LIE. Who knows; playing golf could lead to a raise or even your dream job.
- Golf is a sport for everyone. Maybe calling golf a “gentleman’s sport” is archaic. But don’t take that term as sexist. Just because something is male-dominated doesn’t mean it is only meant for men. I’ve seen female golfers with extremely small frames who were capable of beating most men in a round of golf because GOLF IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER! You don’t have to be big and strong in order to be good at golf; you have to know HOW TO HIT THE BALL PROPERLY. It isn’t about frame; it’s about framework, and framework is 100% teachable.
Women, no more excuses. All along you’ve acted like invitations to play golf are sirens, luring you to your demise. Nothing could be further from the truth. GOLF IS YOUR SPORT, and we welcome you!